Tag Archives: Fat

Thoughts From the Gym, Hunger Games Edition

Is that Peeta Mellark? That’s Peeta Mellark. He’s the size of my leg. I could totally beat him at The Hunger Games. Wait, how long could I go without eating? Maybe he would beat me. My strategy would have to … Continue reading

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Taylor Swift: Girl, You Need a Fat Friend

One of my favorite pastimes is shoving cake down my throat. One of my other favorite pastimes is listening to the latest Taylor Swift album, Red. It’s all sorts of amazing, like a carrot cake with a cream cheese frosting … Continue reading

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Thoughts from the Gym, Downton Abbey Edition

  If my trainer ever degraded me by having me work out right next to the snack stand I’d immediately go home and shame eat. No, Yoga Chick; do not smile at me, I will not be pulled into the … Continue reading

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The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part Three (Xmas Music Edition)

If you make the following associations to these Christmas tunes, I guarantee you’ll never gain weight during the holidays again. Remember: The reason you Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night is not because your mother is … Continue reading

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On Spin Class

Because the holiday season is upon us and because there is a 99.9% chance that I’m going to wind up breaking down and buying these: (and yes I’ll probably eat the entire box while sitting in my car in the … Continue reading

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Xtina, Let’s Talk: Fat Kid to Fat Kid

Girl, this is a long time coming. I can’t put it off any longer. We have to talk. Fat Kid to Fat Kid. First I want to talk about this: You gave up the right to wear lace 30lbs ago. … Continue reading

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Hey Chris Christie: Try the Salad.

Dear Gov. Christie, You and I have two things in common. We’re both from New Jersey and we both love cheese steaks. The similarities end there though because I enjoy a cheese steak once or twice a year and from … Continue reading

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