Category Archives: Uncategorized

So…I’m Training Your Facebook Status Sounds Like a Suicide Note

My good friend, Your Facebook Status Sounds Like a Suicide Note, told me she was going on a diet/exercise program, so I skipped the part where she asked for my advice and immediately created an Excel spreadsheet with fat-burning workouts … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Thoughts from the Gym, Downton Abbey Edition

  If my trainer ever degraded me by having me work out right next to the snack stand I’d immediately go home and shame eat. No, Yoga Chick; do not smile at me, I will not be pulled into the … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Gym Threesome

Every gym has one: The Gym Threesome.You know these guys. They’re teenagers. They travel in a pack. One is the leader, one is fat and the other one is almost always Asian. Young guys who are still too insecure to … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

New Year, New You! (Girl, Please.)

It’s the most depressing time of the year: the post holiday week. Worse than the Tuesday that follows Memorial Day when you realize you were the fattest person at your friend’s pool party. Or July 5th when that realization was … Continue reading

Image | Posted on by | Leave a comment

Fat Kid Xmas List

A drone. Like the CIA uses- so that every time I think about getting in my car and going to Jack in the Box- I can blow it up. Fatter Friends. (Duh.) A baby. Single dads are hot and I need … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part Three (Xmas Music Edition)

If you make the following associations to these Christmas tunes, I guarantee you’ll never gain weight during the holidays again. Remember: The reason you Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night is not because your mother is … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part Two

If you’ve read this blog before you’ve met my friends The Enabler and Naturally Thin. I have another friend whose name is Your Facebook Status Sounds Like a Suicide Note. YFSSLaSN had the audacity to tell me the other night … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part One

There’s a lot of advice out there on how to avoid packing on the holiday pounds but most of it encourages you to rely on your own self-control. The Fat Kid isn’t having that. He doesn’t have any self-control. If … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

On Spin Class

Because the holiday season is upon us and because there is a 99.9% chance that I’m going to wind up breaking down and buying these: (and yes I’ll probably eat the entire box while sitting in my car in the … Continue reading

Posted in Fat Kid's Thoughts, Fitness, Thoughts From the Gym, Uncategorized, Weight | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Fuck a Diet, Get a Gym Crush

In our never-ending quest to find someone who is willing to have sex with us  better our physical health there is a never-ending glut of information telling us to try this diet or that exercise program. Let me give you … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments