Author Archives: thefatkidinme

Fat Wars: Episode II- Attack of the Gym Employees

A long time ago (last week) in a galaxy far, far away (Universal City, CA)… It is a dark time for the Rebellion (I can’t get back to goal weight). Although the Death Star has been destroyed (my gut), Imperial … Continue reading

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Watching the X-Factor in my X-Large shorts.

Well, I started watching the show in my jeans but by the second half of the first hour I had to get up to make more ravioli so I decided to succumb to the inevitable and put the big shorts … Continue reading

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My Gym Nemesis

It shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone that I have a gym nemesis. In fact I have a few nemeses. However it was a shock to me that the plural of nemesis isn’t nemesi-because that seems way more fun … Continue reading

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10 Ways to Insult Skinny People

Hi there. It’s Monday- which for most people means the start of the work week. Monday is the Fat Kid’s Thursday. (But when every day of your life feels like a Wednesday what difference does it make?) Monday is also … Continue reading

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Xtina, Let’s Talk: Fat Kid to Fat Kid

Girl, this is a long time coming. I can’t put it off any longer. We have to talk. Fat Kid to Fat Kid. First I want to talk about this: You gave up the right to wear lace 30lbs ago. … Continue reading

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Details Magazine or YOU DON’T EVEN SLEEP CORRECTLY LOSER

I used to look forward to my copy of Details magazine arriving every month. Nowadays its arrival fills me with dread. It’s a constant reminder that I’m not at goal weight and even if I was I’d still have another … Continue reading

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He’s Got David Beckham Dreams With An Elton John Body

It struck me today when I was working out how much time I spend trying to achieve a body type that is probably out of my reach. (Shut up Crossfitters, yes some things are unattainable.) It most likely had to … Continue reading

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This Week’s Agenda

Camping Monday. Try to avoid eating Smores. Failure likely. Blame it on nostalgia, not lack of self-control. Survive another week of heat wave. Force fat neighbor to make eye contact with me in the pool. Exercise seven days in a … Continue reading

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I Hate Your Profile Pic

Hey you. Naked guy. Yes you. Alone in a bathroom. Taking a picture in the mirror. I have some thoughts. … … Welcome to Facebook. There’s a place for this picture. This isn’t it. That place is called Craigslist. Look … Continue reading

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Labor Day

…Is a day when you are meant to not labor. Instead you’re supposed fire up the barbecue, cook something that someone else killed (assuming that you’re not like backwoods or something) and drink enough beer until you’re drunk enough to … Continue reading

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