Author Archives: thefatkidinme

Fat Kid Xmas List

A drone. Like the CIA uses- so that every time I think about getting in my car and going to Jack in the Box- I can blow it up. Fatter Friends. (Duh.) A baby. Single dads are hot and I need … Continue reading

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The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part Three (Xmas Music Edition)

If you make the following associations to these Christmas tunes, I guarantee you’ll never gain weight during the holidays again. Remember: The reason you Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night is not because your mother is … Continue reading

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The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part Two

If you’ve read this blog before you’ve met my friends The Enabler and Naturally Thin. I have another friend whose name is Your Facebook Status Sounds Like a Suicide Note. YFSSLaSN had the audacity to tell me the other night … Continue reading

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The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part One

There’s a lot of advice out there on how to avoid packing on the holiday pounds but most of it encourages you to rely on your own self-control. The Fat Kid isn’t having that. He doesn’t have any self-control. If … Continue reading

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On Spin Class

Because the holiday season is upon us and because there is a 99.9% chance that I’m going to wind up breaking down and buying these: (and yes I’ll probably eat the entire box while sitting in my car in the … Continue reading

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Fuck a Diet, Get a Gym Crush

In our never-ending quest to find someone who is willing to have sex with us  better our physical health there is a never-ending glut of information telling us to try this diet or that exercise program. Let me give you … Continue reading

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Fat Wars: Episode II- Attack of the Gym Employees

A long time ago (last week) in a galaxy far, far away (Universal City, CA)… It is a dark time for the Rebellion (I can’t get back to goal weight). Although the Death Star has been destroyed (my gut), Imperial … Continue reading

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