Author Archives: thefatkidinme

So…I’m Training Your Facebook Status Sounds Like a Suicide Note

Posted on January 8, 2013 by thefatkidinme

My good friend, Your Facebook Status Sounds Like a Suicide Note, told me she was going on a diet/exercise program, so I skipped the part where she asked for my advice and immediately created an Excel spreadsheet with fat-burning workouts … Continue reading →

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Thoughts from the Gym, Downton Abbey Edition

Posted on January 7, 2013 by thefatkidinme

  If my trainer ever degraded me by having me work out right next to the snack stand I’d immediately go home and shame eat. No, Yoga Chick; do not smile at me, I will not be pulled into the … Continue reading →

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The Gym Threesome

Posted on January 3, 2013 by thefatkidinme

Every gym has one: The Gym Threesome.You know these guys. They’re teenagers. They travel in a pack. One is the leader, one is fat and the other one is almost always Asian. Young guys who are still too insecure to … Continue reading →

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New Year, New You! (Girl, Please.)

Posted on January 2, 2013 by thefatkidinme

It’s the most depressing time of the year: the post holiday week. Worse than the Tuesday that follows Memorial Day when you realize you were the fattest person at your friend’s pool party. Or July 5th when that realization was … Continue reading →

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Fat Kid Xmas List

Posted on December 20, 2012 by thefatkidinme

A drone. Like the CIA uses- so that every time I think about getting in my car and going to Jack in the Box- I can blow it up. Fatter Friends. (Duh.) A baby. Single dads are hot and I need … Continue reading →

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The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part Three (Xmas Music Edition)

Posted on December 13, 2012 by thefatkidinme

If you make the following associations to these Christmas tunes, I guarantee you’ll never gain weight during the holidays again. Remember: The reason you Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night is not because your mother is … Continue reading →

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The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part Two

Posted on December 11, 2012 by thefatkidinme

If you’ve read this blog before you’ve met my friends The Enabler and Naturally Thin. I have another friend whose name is Your Facebook Status Sounds Like a Suicide Note. YFSSLaSN had the audacity to tell me the other night … Continue reading →

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The Birth of Jesus Isn’t Gonna Ruin These Abs: Part One

Posted on December 7, 2012 by thefatkidinme

There’s a lot of advice out there on how to avoid packing on the holiday pounds but most of it encourages you to rely on your own self-control. The Fat Kid isn’t having that. He doesn’t have any self-control. If … Continue reading →

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On Spin Class

Posted on November 29, 2012 by thefatkidinme

Because the holiday season is upon us and because there is a 99.9% chance that I’m going to wind up breaking down and buying these: (and yes I’ll probably eat the entire box while sitting in my car in the … Continue reading →

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Fuck a Diet, Get a Gym Crush

Posted on November 12, 2012 by thefatkidinme

In our never-ending quest to find someone who is willing to have sex with us  better our physical health there is a never-ending glut of information telling us to try this diet or that exercise program. Let me give you … Continue reading →

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