Thoughts From Shavasana: Maybe I’ll vote Trump Edition

When I see a Trump voter on television, I usually think one of several things:

  1. nice Crocs
  2.  you look like high fructose corn syrup in human form
  3. thank god I was raised by people with functioning brains

In short, I cannot relate. Perhaps it’s because I:

  1. do hot yoga
  2. eat (mostly) vegan
  3. drive an electric car

Yes, I am incredibly annoying (though surprisingly popular).

However, for the first time, I have felt THE RAGE that a Trump voter feels.

(No, a:

  1. Mexican didn’t jump my fence
  2. black person didn’t commit an act of reverse racsim
  3. transgender person didn’t try to use the same bathroom as me

)

A GROUP OF MIDDLE AGED SINGLES STARTED TALKING DURING MY SHAVASANA

IMG_0640

what follows is Thoughts From Shavasana

  1. great
  2. here we go
  3. nama fuckingste
  4. you come here all the time?
  5. really?
  6. HOW DID YOU MISS THE SIGN THAT SAYS THIS IS A QUIET SPACE
  7. THERE ARE SEVERAL
  8. did i stumble into a BLIND yoga class?
  9. I need to say something
  10. oh god, they’re like wolves, there’s a pack
  11. desperate middle aged unemployed Los Angeles singles
  12. foaming at the mouth
  13. hungry for the touch of sun kissed leathery skin
  14. nice compression pants you bottom barrel Mark Ruffalo wannabe
  15. She’s not even wet
  16. it’s a hundred degrees in this room
  17. must be the botox
  18. oh, youre from the Palisades? tell me more
  19. no i didn’t mean that
  20. oh, but Fake Lips Mcgee did
  21. i’ve turned to the dark side
  22. star wars
  23. light saber
  24. i strike you
  25. you disappear
  26. except for Obi Wan’s brown frock on the floor, its your lululemons
  27. Fuck I’m angry
  28. oh my god this  is it
  29. this is what it feels like
  30. i’m a trump voter
  31. leave the room John
  32. your rage will eat you
  33. but more likely you’ll eat your rage
  34. do not make eye contact
  35. resist the urge to “accidentally” hit him with your yoga mat
  36. WHY ARE THESE OLD PEOPLE IN BETTER SHAPE THAN ME
  37. i shoulda gone to the gym

 

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