When I see a Trump voter on television, I usually think one of several things:
- nice Crocs
- you look like high fructose corn syrup in human form
- thank god I was raised by people with functioning brains
In short, I cannot relate. Perhaps it’s because I:
- do hot yoga
- eat (mostly) vegan
- drive an electric car
Yes, I am incredibly annoying (though surprisingly popular).
However, for the first time, I have felt THE RAGE that a Trump voter feels.
(No, a:
- Mexican didn’t jump my fence
- black person didn’t commit an act of reverse racsim
- transgender person didn’t try to use the same bathroom as me
)
A GROUP OF MIDDLE AGED SINGLES STARTED TALKING DURING MY SHAVASANA
what follows is Thoughts From Shavasana
- great
- here we go
- nama fuckingste
- you come here all the time?
- really?
- HOW DID YOU MISS THE SIGN THAT SAYS THIS IS A QUIET SPACE
- THERE ARE SEVERAL
- did i stumble into a BLIND yoga class?
- I need to say something
- oh god, they’re like wolves, there’s a pack
- desperate middle aged unemployed Los Angeles singles
- foaming at the mouth
- hungry for the touch of
sun kissedleathery skin - nice compression pants you bottom barrel Mark Ruffalo wannabe
- She’s not even wet
- it’s a hundred degrees in this room
- must be the botox
- oh, youre from the Palisades? tell me more
- no i didn’t mean that
- oh, but Fake Lips Mcgee did
- i’ve turned to the dark side
- star wars
- light saber
- i strike you
- you disappear
- except for Obi Wan’s brown frock on the floor, its your lululemons
- Fuck I’m angry
- oh my god this is it
- this is what it feels like
- i’m a trump voter
- leave the room John
- your rage will eat you
- but more likely you’ll eat your rage
- do not make eye contact
- resist the urge to “accidentally” hit him with your yoga mat
- WHY ARE THESE OLD PEOPLE IN BETTER SHAPE THAN ME
- i shoulda gone to the gym