When I see a Trump voter on television, I usually think one of several things:

1. nice Crocs
2.  you look like high fructose corn syrup in human form
3. thank god I was raised by people with functioning brains

In short, I cannot relate. Perhaps it’s because I:

1. do hot yoga
2. eat (mostly) vegan
3. drive an electric car

Yes, I am incredibly annoying (though surprisingly popular).

However, for the first time, I have felt THE RAGE that a Trump voter feels.

(No, a:

1. Mexican didn’t jump my fence
2. black person didn’t commit an act of reverse racsim
3. transgender person didn’t try to use the same bathroom as me

)

A GROUP OF MIDDLE AGED SINGLES STARTED TALKING DURING MY SHAVASANA

what follows is Thoughts From Shavasana

1. great
2. here we go
3. nama fuckingste
4. you come here all the time?
5. really?
6. HOW DID YOU MISS THE SIGN THAT SAYS THIS IS A QUIET SPACE
7. THERE ARE SEVERAL
8. did i stumble into a BLIND yoga class?
9. I need to say something
10. oh god, they’re like wolves, there’s a pack
11. desperate middle aged unemployed Los Angeles singles
12. foaming at the mouth
13. hungry for the touch of sun kissed leathery skin
14. nice compression pants you bottom barrel Mark Ruffalo wannabe
15. She’s not even wet
16. it’s a hundred degrees in this room
17. must be the botox
18. oh, youre from the Palisades? tell me more
19. no i didn’t mean that
20. oh, but Fake Lips Mcgee did
21. i’ve turned to the dark side
22. star wars
23. light saber
24. i strike you
25. you disappear
26. except for Obi Wan’s brown frock on the floor, its your lululemons
27. Fuck I’m angry
28. oh my god this  is it
29. this is what it feels like
30. i’m a trump voter
31. leave the room John
32. your rage will eat you
33. but more likely you’ll eat your rage
34. do not make eye contact
35. resist the urge to “accidentally” hit him with your yoga mat
36. WHY ARE THESE OLD PEOPLE IN BETTER SHAPE THAN ME
37. i shoulda gone to the gym