Thoughts From the Gym: Nobody Wants to See Your Ball Sack Edition

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  1. “Hey John has anyone talked to you about renewing your membership?”
  2. Pretend you can’t hear her
  3. fuck, I’m not wearing headphones.
  4. “I’ll do it online, muchas gracias”
  5. I have to stop speaking to people in spanglish
  6. Oh look, it’s Invisalign with a Side of Low Impact Cardio
  7. I know he told Fuck Yeah These Shorts are From the 90’s he booked a recurring gig on a TV show-why is he always here?
  8. He has great skin
  9. I bet he looks fat on TV
  10. “What?”
  11. this. fucking. hat.
  12. “Yeah, I went to Rutgers.”
  13. jesus christ
  14. “I don’t know, I didn’t play basketball”
  15. Please for the love of god leave me alone I’m trying to burn off two French Bread Pizzas
  16. *Enter: Yoga Chick
  17. Uggh
  18. where is the volume on this iPod?
  19. *Enter: Nobody Wants To See Your Ball Sack
  20. “Don’t apologize, how could you have known I had set up a Crossfit circuit right here?”
  21. she did not just say that
  22. oh my god
  23. die Yoga Chick
  24. “I do it all. I’m a trainer, a masseuse and a PT.”
  25. “What?”
  26. here we go
  27. “A PT. A physical therapist.”
  28. “Wow.”
  29. don’t fucking ‘wow’ her dude
  30. I’ve seen her try to parallel park her Fiat outside of Trader Joes and if that’s any indication she sucks at all three of those jobs
  31. Plus I feel like she eats her own hair
  32. Plus YOUR SHORTS ARE TOO SHORT
  33. AND Nobody Wants to See Your Ball Sack
  34. Jon Hamm.
  35. Why didn’t anyone text me during Mad Men last night and say something about my hair?
  36. I wanna write a musical based on the Taylor Swift album RED
  37. photo
  38. But first-
  39. I need to clean the Chex Mix out of my overnight bag
  40. Hot Tub Friday Night!
  41. *checks abs in mirror*
  42. *avoids making eye contact with No Underwear Asian Guy*
  43. *accidentally makes eye contact with Weird Slightly Brian Damaged Probably a Male Escort Guy*
  44. donttalktomedonttalktomedonttalktome
  45. oh, I Drive a Big Truck, But I Swear I Have a Big Dick will be there Friday
  46. he’s put on a few, so i’ll look thinner than I am
  47. I’m so mean
  48. wait- I said that to his face the other night
  49. I can’t believe I have any friends
  50. I should probably do another set of swiss ball pikes in case he bails

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