Monthly Archives: April 2013

Puerto Rican Patrick Bateman and the Art of Gym Dodging

When I go to the gym I have to do a lot of “dodging.” I have to dodge Pasty Gym Stalker lest he slip a roofie in my BPA-free water bottle and I find myself in his basement, tied up … Continue reading

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Thoughts From the Gym: Nobody Wants to See Your Ball Sack Edition

“Hey John has anyone talked to you about renewing your membership?” Pretend you can’t hear her fuck, I’m not wearing headphones. “I’ll do it online, muchas gracias” I have to stop speaking to people in spanglish Oh look, it’s Invisalign … Continue reading

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