Thoughts From the Gym, Am I Racist (?) Edition

  1. Every black person at this gym knows each other.
  2. Does that make me racist?
  3. I’m not racist
  4. I have to ask black kevin
  5. that’s racist
  6. maybe if i start calling the other kevin i know, white kevin, its okay
  7. [?]
  8. I need more black friends
  9. maybe I should just talk to them
  10. they seem nice
  11. oh good they’re talking about the inauguration
  12. Beyoncé
  13. i got this
  14. “But did you guys hear that Kelly Clarkson sang it live?”
  15. [blank stare]
  16. [dirty look]
  17. [shade thrown]
  18. omg omg omg omg that sounded so racist
  19. do something john
  20. [looks at floor]
  21. i am so uncomfortable
  22. angle yourself so they can see you’re listening to Janet on your iPod [!]
  23. ugh I can’t with this song when she references her heavy flow period
  24. I’m putting on Ke$ha
  25. Oh hey No Underwear Asian Guy
  26. Ok, you’re not a stereotype, we get it, now put on some underwear
  27. that thing is really distracting
  28. maybe No Underwear Asian Guy has some black in him
  29. Is that racist?
  30. hey Weird Slightly Brian Damaged Probably a Male Escort Guy: GET A NEW SHIRT
  31. i mean what is the conversation he has with himself when he puts on that shirt?
  32. i have to take a picture of that shirt
  33. [pulls out phone]
  34. [opens photos]
  35. [sees a self-portrait he took of his hair in a chinese restaurant bathroom]
  36. [forgets what he was doing]
  37. I FEEL YOUR HEART BEAT/ TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM
  38. [stomps feet]
  39. [claps hands]
  40. i really just did that in public
  41. whatever,  i look good
  42. oh god john that’s probably what Weird Slightly Brain Damaged Probably a Male Escort Guy thinks when he puts on his tattered shirt
  43. I have to go to Marshalls after this to buy new dish towels
  44. fuck im turning into my mom
  45. my mom would never be able to spit out a rap from Dre’s Chronic 2001 album on top of a banquet at a chinese restaurant/ bar in wine country, so, okay, i’m not her
  46. whew
  47. if your t-shirt says “I got bucked at Saddle Ranch Chop House” then fine, good for you, but just know you’ll never get fucked in my house
  48. oh hey 3rd in Position to Gym Crush
  49. i would with you but you seem like you’d be lazy in bed
  50. okay i probably still would
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