- Every black person at this gym knows each other.
- Does that make me racist?
- I’m not racist
- I have to ask black kevin
- that’s racist
- maybe if i start calling the other kevin i know, white kevin, its okay
- …
- [?]
- I need more black friends
- maybe I should just talk to them
- they seem nice
- oh good they’re talking about the inauguration
- Beyoncé
- i got this
- “But did you guys hear that Kelly Clarkson sang it live?”
- [blank stare]
- [dirty look]
- [shade thrown]
- omg omg omg omg that sounded so racist
- do something john
- [looks at floor]
- i am so uncomfortable
- angle yourself so they can see you’re listening to Janet on your iPod [!]
- ugh I can’t with this song when she references her heavy flow period
- I’m putting on Ke$ha
- Oh hey No Underwear Asian Guy
- Ok, you’re not a stereotype, we get it, now put on some underwear
- that thing is really distracting
- maybe No Underwear Asian Guy has some black in him
- Is that racist?
- hey Weird Slightly Brian Damaged Probably a Male Escort Guy: GET A NEW SHIRT
- i mean what is the conversation he has with himself when he puts on that shirt?
- i have to take a picture of that shirt
- [pulls out phone]
- [opens photos]
- [sees a self-portrait he took of his hair in a chinese restaurant bathroom]
- [forgets what he was doing]
- I FEEL YOUR HEART BEAT/ TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM
- [stomps feet]
- [claps hands]
- i really just did that in public
- whatever, i look good
- oh god john that’s probably what Weird Slightly Brain Damaged Probably a Male Escort Guy thinks when he puts on his tattered shirt
- I have to go to Marshalls after this to buy new dish towels
- fuck im turning into my mom
- my mom would never be able to spit out a rap from Dre’s Chronic 2001 album on top of a banquet at a chinese restaurant/ bar in wine country, so, okay, i’m not her
- whew
- if your t-shirt says “I got bucked at Saddle Ranch Chop House” then fine, good for you, but just know you’ll never get fucked in my house
- oh hey 3rd in Position to Gym Crush
- i would with you but you seem like you’d be lazy in bed
- …
- okay i probably still would
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