Dear Guy in the Barefoot Shoes,
Thank you. I was afraid my douche thermometer was broken, as it hadn’t reached fever pitch in quite some time. You rectified that. In fact you raised the temperature to its highest level yet. You beat out Weird -Slightly Brain Damaged -Probably a Male Escort- Guy and he wore a shirt to the gym the other day that was so tattered and torn even Tarzan would have found it inappropriate. You beat out Yoga Chick and I watched her have an entire conversation about skiing in Big Bear with her bony, anorexic leg bent behind her head. You beat out Filipino and he put together an entire DJ set while the rest of his Gym Threesome worked on abs. You beat out my Gym Nemesis and he dyed his hair a subtle shade of green. You beat out the guy that plays the teacher on Glee who does nothing but meander about trying to get everyone’s attention, only to turn around and throw shade when I take his picture on my iPhone and text it to The Enabler with the question: WOULD YOU HIT IT EVEN THOUGH HE’S WEARING A HEADBAND?
Congratulations Guy in the Barefoot Shoes. You are The Fat Kid’s Douche of the Week.