- Camping Monday. Try to avoid eating Smores. Failure likely. Blame it on nostalgia, not lack of self-control.
- Survive another week of heat wave. Force fat neighbor to make eye contact with me in the pool.
- Exercise seven days in a row. Throw shade at new gym nemesis.
- Repeat this Sunday’s amazing abs by using the Saturday night half an avocado for dinner/4 Stoli Blueberi & sodas for dessert method I employed last week.
- Create fake Match.com profile. Torment other singles for self-esteem boost.
- Go to weird Armenian overrun mall in Burbank and buy the Perfect Meatloaf Pan Set at weird “As Seen on TV” store. Avoid talking to an Armenian. Make meatloaf.
- Try to get someone to hit my car and total it while avoiding bodily injury so as to reap financial benefits/get new car/have good story to tell.
- Avoid substituting Grand Marnier for eating a real orange (Siri, repeat this event every week)
- Go five minutes without thinking
out loudabout body image and one day without telling someone I’m fat.
- Blame emotional eating on pangs of sadness associated with dog Spike that ran away fifteen years ago.
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