Monthly Archives: September 2012

Xtina, Let’s Talk: Fat Kid to Fat Kid

Girl, this is a long time coming. I can’t put it off any longer. We have to talk. Fat Kid to Fat Kid. First I want to talk about this: You gave up the right to wear lace 30lbs ago. … Continue reading

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Details Magazine or YOU DON’T EVEN SLEEP CORRECTLY LOSER

I used to look forward to my copy of Details magazine arriving every month. Nowadays its arrival fills me with dread. It’s a constant reminder that I’m not at goal weight and even if I was I’d still have another … Continue reading

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He’s Got David Beckham Dreams With An Elton John Body

It struck me today when I was working out how much time I spend trying to achieve a body type that is probably out of my reach. (Shut up Crossfitters, yes some things are unattainable.) It most likely had to … Continue reading

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This Week’s Agenda

Camping Monday. Try to avoid eating Smores. Failure likely. Blame it on nostalgia, not lack of self-control. Survive another week of heat wave. Force fat neighbor to make eye contact with me in the pool. Exercise seven days in a … Continue reading

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I Hate Your Profile Pic

Hey you. Naked guy. Yes you. Alone in a bathroom. Taking a picture in the mirror. I have some thoughts. … … Welcome to Facebook. There’s a place for this picture. This isn’t it. That place is called Craigslist. Look … Continue reading

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Labor Day

…Is a day when you are meant to not labor. Instead you’re supposed fire up the barbecue, cook something that someone else killed (assuming that you’re not like backwoods or something) and drink enough beer until you’re drunk enough to … Continue reading

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