F— Off.
I unexpectedly gained 2lbs over the weekend so a super workout was in order. I was particularly cranky since the weight gain has me back on a restricted calorie diet. Today, at least. Well, we’ll see, the day’s not over. Thoughts…
- I wonder how many calories I burn suppressing the urge to kill someone in this parking lot?
- The next entitled teenager in a Mercedes that cuts me off is getting pulled out of the car and beaten with my shoe.
- I need to calm down.
- I believe the words you were looking for in English are EXCUSE ME. I don’t know the Russian translation you dumb b—-
- I’m so hungry.
- Wow, lime green is really having a moment in fitness apparel, isn’t it?
- It must be nice to be able to stretch. I ate an entire pizza at 1am on Saturday night, so I don’t have time for that, I’ve got to do abs.
- Wait-black guys are into Tapout too?! I thought that was a white-trash specific pastime.
- Or is that MMA?
- I’m so confused.
- OMG there’s blood on this olympic bar from that Crossfit guy doing dead lifts.
- Does HIV die at room temperature?
- I shouldn’t risk it.
- You’re so fat, you have no choice, just wrap your towel around it.
- Gym condom.
- That’s not funny.
- Maybe if I say it out loud it will be.
- “Gym condom”
- What are YOU looking at? You’re wearing those barefoot separate toe shoes- so don’t judge ME, ok?
- I want you to know that if I drop this dumbbell on your head it’s not because you’re invading my personal space, it’s because you’re wearing Beats by Dre headphones.
- Note to self: wash towel later.
- I only have 1 set left, but if you continue to stare at me like that I will increase that number from 1 to 3, and take a 5 minute break in between sets.
- I wonder if that guy knows I’m doing Taylor Lautner’s ab workout?
- If you’re wearing a beanie to the gym, you’re not working out hard enough.
- Jesus Christ you stink.
- Take off that f—ing beanie and maybe you wouldn’t—
- Shit.
- It’s me.
- I have to get out of here.
