Dear Diary,

Last week was a mess. My life is a constant series of embarrassments.

…Such as the moment I freaked out because I thought someone tweeted their feelings about hooking up with me but it turns out they were just referring to the dessert we shared. Whatever. I’m still #amazing

…Like dropping a Justin Timberlake style pop and lock while dancing to Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend.” The act itself isn’t embarrassing. Being caught by your neighbor is. Even more so when you’re performing said dance moves in front of a mirror. In your underwear. The pair with holes.

…Or the other day at the gym when I was doing lunges, got a little too cocky and upped the weight of the barbels I was using. Sure, the set where I was straining probably made me look a little out of shape, but the rep when I lunged forward and then fell down was much more embarrassing.

…And the there was the day that I lost one of the lenses from my Ray-Bans at the PitFire Pizza but I didn’t even have the energy to give a F— because my blood sugar was so low and I just needed to make sure I got some food in my system before the warm Sol cerveza I was drinking made me pass out.

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