Thoughts From the Gym, Vol 2

Apparently hot and skinny people don’t hit the gym at 8pm on a Sunday night because my gym which is located at the corner of Models Ave and Five Percent Body Fat St. closes by 8pm on weekends. The Fat Kid in Me had to take a detour and head north to the branch of the gym located in el barrio de bombed out shopping center the hood. Thoughts…

  1. Oh look a Vallarta supermarket! I’ve never been there! When my workout is over I should live like the locals and grab myself an orange flavored Fanta and a hot churro(s)!
  2. Hola, girl. Would you mind putting down your Android powered telefono for a caliente second and swipe mi tarjeta?
  3. I love practicing my Spanish. No estoy practicar enough.
  4. Que lastimas!
  5. Rambo on Telemundo. Seriamente guys?
  6. I wouldn’t have to be here right now if I didn’t eat those mozzarella sticks at the diner at 2am last night.
  7. And the chicken fingers.
  8. And some of Shannon’s pancakes.
  9. Thank God I only had two beers. Cervezas.
  10. Our waitress told us she was a grandmother, propositioned us for weed, and called her son a “straight square” all in the same breath. She made me very uncomfortable which is probably why I ate so much.
  11. The only reason I didn’t go full bulimic when I got home last night is because my hot mess of a neighbor drunkenly crashed through my other neighbors window. With his body. It made me feel better about me.
  12. Loser.
  13. Also, I don’t have bulimia.
  14. There’s something wrong with my heart rate monitor, particularly the part that measures calories burned.
  15. There’s no one attractive here.
  16. No esta personas beautiful.
  17. Am I the most attractive person here? (!)
  18. I should come here more often.
  19. Cake.
  20. Fuck.
  21. No one will ever love me.
  22. I hope my car is in the parking lot when I leave.
  23. If someone steals my car I’m eating at In N Out because I’ll deserve it.
  24. Indoor pools seem like a great place to pick up a random dermatological condition.
  25. Don’t use this pool.
  26. If I had skipped the bun on my turkey burger today I could be off this treadmill already.
  27. I know I’m “L.A. fat,” but when I visit Chicago am I going to be considered skinny? (!)
  28. Google average body weight chicago 5’9 males
  29. Shit I dropped my phone.
  30. Thank you! Gracias.
  31. Of course the phone would be playing the Glee Cast’s version of “Somewhere.”
  32. I’m definitely getting jumped now.
  33. Iphone search: “Lean like a Cholo”.
  34. No results?! Iphone search: Ricky Martin.
  35. Goddamnit! Iphone search: Jennifer Lopez.
  36. Whew!
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2 Responses to Thoughts From the Gym, Vol 2

  1. Doug Wheeler says:

    This made me LOL so hard!!! Thanks for that.

  2. james connelly says:

    i love the glee version of ‘somewhere.’

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