Monthly Archives: August 2012

Hey Chris Christie: Try the Salad.

Dear Gov. Christie, You and I have two things in common. We’re both from New Jersey and we both love cheese steaks. The similarities end there though because I enjoy a cheese steak once or twice a year and from … Continue reading

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On relationships. And cheating.

Remember the first time you fell in love? Exhilarating and monumental, right? The best relationships make you feel smart, sexy and content. They’re incredibly fun and extremely exciting. Until they’re not. And then you get fat. It’s inevitable, you’re feeling single, sexy and … Continue reading

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On Passing Out. And General Hospital.

Remember that episode of General Hospital when Robin Scorpio passed out at the gym from working out too hard? No. Before she had HIV. I don’t know what year. Ricky Martin wasn’t livin la vida loca; he was still living in … Continue reading

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Are you there God? It’s Me, the Fat Kid.

Hey God, Remember me? You gave me cancer and made me fat on top of it. Not cool. Anywho… I was thinking…There’s a way you can make it up to me. Here’s the thing: I’ve been doing Taylor Lautner’s ab … Continue reading

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The Best Friend a Fat Kid Could Have

One of my earliest memories is being five years old and walking around the block to the candy store with the other kids from my street. It stands out for two reasons. One, I believe it was the first I … Continue reading

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Thoughts From the Gym, Vol 3

I unexpectedly gained 2lbs over the weekend so a super workout was in order. I was particularly cranky since the weight gain has me back on a restricted calorie diet. Today, at least. Well, we’ll see, the day’s not over. Thoughts… … Continue reading

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Diary of a Fat Kid, Vol 1

Dear Diary, Last week was a mess. My life is a constant series of embarrassments. …Such as the moment I freaked out because I thought someone tweeted their feelings about hooking up with me but it turns out they were … Continue reading

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Details Magazine, or You’re Fat, Lazy and Not F***able.

I woke up today with a stiff neck. Never one to put my health at risk I called my doctor decided it would be prudent to skip the gym. That doesn’t mean I neglected my health. I used my allotted gym … Continue reading

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On Male Models. And Chemo.

Let me break it down: I don’t want to hear about your “bro” Brayden from Oklahoma who was pursuing a degree in political science at Columbia before a scout discovered him at a Starbucks on the UWS and put him on the billboard … Continue reading

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No, I’m not trying Crossfit.

In the world of exercise nothing has risen to cult status quicker than Crossfit. I don’t mean that as a compliment. Everyone who’s nobody is doing it, and they all seem to think they’ve won the golden ticket. Crossfitters posses a … Continue reading

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